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Tonight we begin FFODC's top five hate countdown. I thought before we jump into the fifth most hated city, we should clarify the rules of this little vote. In reading through the comments section of the original post, a lot of people assumed Dallas would make the top five. I just want to clarify that this is a review of all a city's major pro teams as well as their fans. Unfortunately, the Cowboys are the only rival team from the city of Dallas, and the only place where they earned brownie points outside of that rivalry was the huge bandwagon following. On top of that, they haven't been a true NFL "power" in a long time. Therefore, Dallas didn't make my list. I understand if you'd like to crucify me for that, but if you're still interested, let's move on to #5.
Chicago is known for its deep dish pizza, sausages, spontaneous German parades, and sports. Diving even deeper, their pro teams are known as a mix of lovable losers, extreme success, obnoxious accents, and a ton of tradition. All of those things can endear outsiders to Chicago, but it can make opposing fans want to vomit. Here's why we think you should hate Chicago:
Rivalry
The Bulls and Wizards have met in the playoffs in the past, and there's usually a bit of fire between the two teams when they meet up. D.C. is known as a basketball hotbed, but Chicago's brought home the hardware and housed the greatest player of all time...plus they had Jordan-the-winner, while we had Jordan-the-washed-up-star. (1 point)
The Cubs and Nats are both in the National League, and have played a couple of decent series since the Nats came into being. Soriano makes us all cringe, and Lou Piniella makes us look away. (1 point)
The Blackhawks and Caps are in different conferences, and we're lucky if they ever play. This isn't a rivalry yet, but it could seriously change come June. (0 points)
The Redskins and Bears add some weight to this section. They met four times in NFL Championship Games between 1937 and 1943 with each team winning twice. The best (fairly) recent memory between the two teams came back in the playoffs prior to the Redskins second Super Bowl Championship. The Redskins won a tight game at Soldier Field in the Divisional Round on the strength of a Darrell Green touchdown on a punt return. Green injured his ribs on the return and famously finished the run clutching his side and speeding past the Chicago defenders. It was certainly one of the defining moments of the 1980s dynasty and pumps this rivalry way up. (2 points)
Success
The Bears have been to one Super Bowl in the last decade (1 point) while the Blackhawks made it to the Western Conference Finals last season (1 point). The Bulls haven't done much this decade, but they've got six championships in twenty years (1 point). The Cubs suck but we never stop hearing about it. All-in-all the city's seen plenty of success (not counting the White Sox), and their fans reflect that. They're annoying.
Loyalty
Overall, Chicago fans, while a little obnoxious are very loyal. They're docked here for the nationwide Cubs fans that love to root for a loser team. I certainly hate seeing Nats Park filled with bandwagon Cubs fans that love to tell me about how this year will finally see the end of their plight. Spare me. You're fifteen and you've rooted for the Cubs since Sweet Lou took the reigns. (2 points)
Knowledge
Overall they're pretty smart. They tend to know all of their players and the main history. Some lapses here from the bandwagoners cost them a few points. (2 points)
Temperament
They're certainly not the douchiest of fans...that's reserved for the top-four cities. However, they are certainly not innocent either. Chicago fans love to talk to you about how quaint their city is, and how D.C. is basically a dump. Chicagoans tend to drink WAY too much at games, and flap their gums. They occasionally fight, but not as often as some of their East Coast brothers. Bonus points for annoying me with the obnoxious way they pronounce their vowels when really drunk. (3 points)
Fan Travel
They don't tend to pack FedEx or Verizon when their team is in town, but Nats Park is a different story. Cubs fans come en masse and love to talk trash. If only they realized that making fun of the Nats in their own stadium is like kicking a homeless guy out from in front of a steam grate...it's mean spirited, and doesn't really accomplish anything. (1 point)
How to Survive a Chicago Encounter
Just mention the name Steve Bartman...or Mark Prior...or Rex Grossman. If that doesn't work, mention that you just LOVE thin crust pizza or Rookie of the Year. That should do the trick.
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